What You Won't Find In A Christian Bookstore

by David Y.

Hello again everyone… I sincerely hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends. This has been a difficult past month for Tammy and myself but we are still hanging on and learning to trust God more and more. I know we are not alone as many of you have had challenges this year and our love and prayers are with you all as well. In fact, as we go through our own struggles, it helps us remember that there are others struggling and I have been praying for others many times throughout the week as I reflect on events in mine and Tammy’s life… I am happy to say that, despite some rough bumps in the road, we’ve still had a nice Christmas together and are looking forward to the New Year ahead. God is always good and I grow more and more aware of that reality every day!

Some of you may have read the last post about Tammy and mine’s baby (whom we have named David, which means “beloved one”). I am so sorry to report that we lost the baby. We spent the last week before Christmas in the hospital as Tammy gave birth. Little baby David passed away in the womb before delivery. Tammy’s miscarriage was due to a condition called anencephaly; a serious neural tube defect. In layman’s terms this means that the baby’s spinal chord did not develop properly very early on in the pregnancy. As a result, the brain and top part of the baby’s cranium also did not develop. In some cases, babies can live for a short period of time outside the womb as there is usually enough brain matter available to supplement lung function, however our baby’s case was quite severe (with virtually no brain matter at all) and baby passed away in the womb. We are at least thankful that the Lord took him peacefully and that he now rests in the loving arms of Jesus.

I want to thank all of you for the prayers that went up for baby and for us. We felt the strength of those prayers during this incredibly difficult season of our lives. The pain of losing a child is more than I have words to express. We have been shedding a lot of tears, but God has given us peace through the storm as well. Tammy and I have grown much closer together through this experience and to the Lord. It has also pulled our family closer together in many respects as well. My sister, Karla, who has studied to be a doula (midwife’s assistant) was able to be with us through the entire ordeal at the hospital and she was such an amazing support to Tammy and myself (and this also gave her and Tammy a chance to bond as they have not had the chance to spend much time together since Tammy arrived in the USA). Our doctor and all the staff at the hospital were amazing as well. Everyone was so kind and supportive. The hospital even approved us through their charity program to help cover most, if not all, the expenses! We don’t have all the details on that yet, but I am amazed as I have been watching the Lord take care of everything for us.

The hospital also had one of their photographers come in and take some pictures of baby along with us as we were saying our goodbyes. The lady who took the pictures was very respectful and so kind and we love the pictures she took for us. At first we didn’t know if we would be able to handle all of this, but somehow God has given us the strength (and my hope and prayers is that we can be a strength to others who have gone through or will go through similar circumstances). Truly with God all things are possible… and that includes being able to endure through incredible sorrow and loss. I also know that God does not take lightly the sorrow we feel when a loved one dies. He feels it all along with us; involving Himself in our pain and then comforting us through it. I know we are all so precious to Him both in life and through death.

Psalm 116:15 – “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.”

Though there is the deep sadness present because we will not be taking baby home with us, it was still such a blessing to be able to hold him in our arms and say our farewells. To Tammy and I he was just beautiful. I look forward to the day when I will meet my son in heaven. What a joyous day that will be indeed!!!

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 – “But it is our desire, brothers, that you may be certain about those who are sleeping; so that you may have no need for sorrow, as others have who are without hope. For if we have faith that Jesus underwent death and came back again, even so those who are sleeping will come again with him by God’s power.”

While at the hospital, a chaplain came to visit us. It was a bit of an awkward experience because I didn’t feel any sense that this person even knew the Lord. She offered to “do a little ritual” to “bless our baby” and… well… I talked with Tammy and we both agreed that we did not want this. We respectfully refused the offer. I can think of no better blessing than to know that our little David is in the arms and blessing of Jesus Himself, happy in heaven. How fitting at Christmas when we also remember Jesus’ birth – the reason we choose to celebrate this holiday Season.

Mark 10:16 – “Jesus put his arms around the children and blessed them by placing his hands on them.”

Thanks again to everyone for your love and prayers! It means so much to us! Thanks to those of you who have sent cards, flowers and letters of support. God is faithful beyond words and I know He will be just as faithful to each of you in your time of need. My friend Shean Smith recently said to me, “Sometimes He calms the storms and sometimes He holds us tight.” This resonates with me. My heart has felt Jesus holding us tight through so much! God may not always answer our prayers the way we think He should, but He does answer and He does give us the strength, grace and love beyond understanding to endure through… and I believe with all my heart still that all things really do work together for good! I will never stop trusting Him! I will never stop proclaiming His goodness! He will always be my source of joy through every circumstance! I pray He is yours as well!!!!

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”

AMEN!!! 🙂

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!!!

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9 Responses to Baby is with Jesus

  • Dave,
    I am new to this site, but I can feel the love that you have for people in your writings. As I was reading this post my heart hurt for you and your wife. Know that even though there is nothing we here in cyber world can do to alleviate the pain of losing a child, we can carry you in our hearts and be an encouragement to you. Much love to your family in this time of grief.



  • Thanks for your encouraging words Starla. Awesome name, by-the-way! 🙂 Have a wonderful New Year!!!


  • My deepest sympathies to your family. I cannot imagine the grief but I know you are strong in the Lord and He will see you thru it. Trust in Him and know He works all things for the greater good of those that love Him. We all will glory to see David in the Kingdom to come.


  • Thank You Dave & Tammy for sharing such an intimate part of your lives with us. As I read your article, my feeling of sadness turned into tears of joy, at the reminder that our faith in Jesus assures us that we WILL be with our loved ones again! Baby David’s pictures are precious (Thanks again for sharing).

    In His Love,
    Jazmin :*)


  • thank you David for those words of strenth in your time of sorrow I pray that our lord Jesus keep you and your wife in his hands at all times.


  • hi David this is the first time I’ve read your blog since we corresponded a while back. Tears are streaming down my face reading the story of your precious baby David. How beautiful the baby, the pictures and your love. I pray for your comfort from the Lord; He is with you.


  • David,

    I am sorry to read about you and Tammy’s loss but I am so encouraged by how you two are clinging to the Lord during this time. I won’t pretend to be able to identify with what you two are going through but know that you both are a great example to fellow believers like myself and I thank God for you.

    My prayers are with you and Tammy both and may you both continue to find comfort on our Lord.


  • Hi. I just read your story about your little one. It breaks my heart too, that means you’re not alone.


  • Thanks James. 🙂 God bless bro!


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